Looking for a Coach? Don’t Make this Common Mistake
I am a coach who gets coached.
I only recently discovered that I've made a typical oversight: not understanding the distinct differences between two coaching styles.
Hat tip to Mark Butler’s A Podcast for Coaches and to Allegra Stein for introducing me to it.
2 different Coaching styles:
Teacher/Trainer
Coach/Mentor
I have hired a relationship coach off of YouTube who directed me to download a lengthy PDF on the Socratic Method. Those timeless principles were to guide me in making better choices in life. And our sessions focused on me taking direction.
I have also hired a business coach, via referral, who challenged me to clarify my terms. Almost every sentence I spoke was followed by a powerful question.
"What exactly is a 'real job'?" she'd ask, pushing me to admit when I wasn't sure of my own definitions. Or what I was even talking about.
Very different styles.
The relationship coach had a system for me to follow –Teacher/Trainer method
The business coach had me explore my thoughts –Coach/Mentor method
“Coach” is a Vague Term
Anyone can market themselves as a coach since it's an unregulated industry.
So, don't fall into the trap of assuming you know what "a coach" is before you hire one. Start by reflecting on what you truly want first.
Is it:
- direct advice and expertise
or
-space to explore your own insights?
The Teacher/Trainer Style
If you crave specific guidance, strategies, and expert knowledge, a teacher/trainer style might be your best fit. This approach focuses on providing advice and sharing expertise. You’ll receive clear instructions and actionable steps.
Teacher/Trainer Approach
Structured with a measurable result in mind
Shorter, set-term (12 weeks/ 6 months)
Preset steps informed by expertise for a desired result
You find them via content and advertisements
Coach does most of the talking
Coach/Mentor Style
If you’re looking for a more introspective method, a coach/mentor style could be ideal. This is about “creating space” for you to uncover your own insights. The coach serves as a guide, asking powerful questions that lead you to your own solutions.
Coach/Mentor Approach
More open ended and collaborative
Longer term; a few months to a few years (off and on)
Essentially it’s just a supportive conversation
You generally find them via referrals
Coach listens more than talks
What if You Want BOTH Styles?
I mean who doesn’t want expert advice when you need it and space to explore your own ideas when appropriate? That’s a balanced approach.
In fact, most coaches embody a blend of the two styles mentioned, though they typically lean more towards one predominant approach.
Choosing the Right Style For YOU
When life throws you curveballs, you might find yourself yearning for a shoulder to lean on. When it offers you a clear path, perhaps what you really need is a map and a firm push in the right direction.
Consider your situation and what you aim to achieve.
Ask yourself:
Am I in search of a confidant or a strategist?
Do I thrive under command, or do I find my way through exploration?
Would a blend of support and guidance offer the best of both worlds?
A good coach will clearly articulate their style
The magic happens when you select a coach not just for their expertise, but for how well they sync with you. Whether they're a teacher, a mentor, or a mix of both, the right fit should feel easy. Natural.
Coach hunting when depressed is super hard
If you're feeling low, the energy and clarity needed to make such a choice can be hard to muster. In these moments, you're especially vulnerable to the ethics—or lack thereof—of others.
You might be thinking…
“Coaching should guarantee specific transformations, not just act as unlicensed therapy!”
But this opens up its own set of challenges.
When you're focused on a particular goal, it's easy to be swayed by enticing advertising claims that quickly capture both your heart and your wallet.
It's crucial to take a step back and recognize that these promises are contingent upon your own active participation and commitment.
So what’s the answer?
As a friend in marketing once told me, it’s all about “resonance and relevance.” This means finding a coach involves both an instinctual feeling and a deliberate choice.
If you're feeling senstive, embrace it. Choose a compassionate, easy-going coach who creates a comfortable space without pressure.
Whereas… if you're highly motivated to achieve a specific goal, opt for a results-oriented coach who focuses on time-bound transformations. You’ll find the intensity stimulating.
If you value trauma recovery work…(woot!)
I recommend reading this related blog post [here]. From my experience, procrastination and goal achievement are often hindered when we skip deeper work.
In that post, I discuss the best coaching approaches for different stages of change.
Learn from my mistake
Initially, I didn’t carefully consider the type of coaching I needed; I went purely on gut feeling. It worked out ok, but a bit more thought beforehand could have enhanced my sessions.
Interested in finding a coach? Let's connect
I offer free Discovery Calls where you can experience my coaching. Alternatively, join a free Insight Session where you get valued and understood, and I learn more about what people seek from coaching.
