The 6 Stages of Change: My Ultimate Guide
Change is a universal struggle.
Ever feel like you’re ready for a change but just can’t seem to make it happen? Don’t beat yourself up—it’s not laziness, it's natural.
Here I dive into the Stages of Change—a nifty science-backed framework widely used to explain how change actually happens.
TLDR:
1. Change is a Roller Coaster – It’s not a straight line. Expect ups and downs.
2. It’s a Universal Struggle – Spoiler alert: you’re definitely not alone in this.
Your motivation isn’t MIA—it’s just playing hard to get.
By understanding these stages, you'll see that behavior change isn’t random but rather a step-by-step journey. We all juggle our inner conflicts and mixed feelings, gradually moving towards our goals when but only when we’re good and ready.
Why a Coach Could Be Your Game Changer:
- Speedy Gonzalez: A coach can fast-track your progress.
- Smooth Sailin’: Say goodbye to backsliding into old habits.
Getting a coach is great, though—make sure their style jives with what you need. Whether it’s a gentle nudge or a major push, the right fit is key.
Coaching Styles Unpacked: Teacher/Trainer vs Coach/Mentor
Credit to Mark Butler of a Podcast for Coaches for illuminating the difference for me.
Read more about the performance vs personal development distinction [here].
The Stages of Change: My Hot Takes
STAGE 1: Pre-contemplation
Pre-contemplation: What’s the vibe?
You're floating through life on autopilot, somewhat comfortably numb. You sense something’s brewing underneath, but it’s not on your radar yet.
How Long Does This Last?
Could be years, decades, or even a lifetime.
What You Might Be Thinking:
- "I’m all good."
- "No big issues here."
- "Now, where’s that Amazon package?"
Action Steps: Hold Up... What Action!?
How can you act on something you’re blissfully unaware of?
Well…. Maybe you're cruising between "Precontemplation" and "Contemplation." Perhaps this nugget of insight hits home when reflecting on what you’ve been through lately?
Maybe?
Action Steps to Consider:
Wake-Up Call: Get real with yourself. What’s really going on in your head and heart?
Deep Dive: Look at the hard facts showing how negative behaviors are messing with your health (shoutout to Prochaska and Velicer, 1997).
Open Up: Tune into stories from folks who’ve been in your shoes, once skeptical that change was needed.
Most Effective Coaching Method:
Teacher/Trainer: 2/5
Coach/Mentor: 1/5
Why This Matters:
Struggling with procrastination? This stems from deeper, unresolved issues.
You might not be set to face these head-on yet. Instead, you could focus on dating, wealth, careers, academia, or other skills.
I, however, advocate for tackling the root causes early—it kicks off a positive feed back loop, enhancing all life areas.
If this works for you, my coaching style might just be your cup of tea.
STAGE 2: Contemplation
Contemplation Stage: Starting to think about… maybe changing (maybe).
What It Feels Like:
Thought bubbles start popping up and at the same time, your feet are glued to the ground. You see issues but, aren't quite ready to make a move.
Typical Duration:
Could be a few months, a few years, or even—dare I say it—a lifetime.
What’s Going Through Your Head:
- "Is this even normal?"
- "Ugh, I really don’t want to deal with this mess."
- "If there isn’t a quick-fix pill or magic vitamin for this, count me out."
Action Steps to Consider:
Learn on Your Terms: Ease into the info as it suits you.
Your motivation will ebb and flow—just roll with it. Start small, let the robust, long-term evidence (thank you, Norcross & Wampold, 2011) nudge you forward.
Visualize to Realize: Begin with your goal in sight and work backward.
What steps will bridge the gap from here to your dream scenario? Map it out—it’s strategy time (hat tip to DiClemente et al., 1991).
Talk It Out: Conversations can be transformative.
Not just steam-releasing vents, but real game-changers. Studies in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology back this up—dialogue can lessen your change resistance. I’ve seen this happen, both as a coach and a client.
Most Effective Coaching Method:
Teaching/Training: 3/5
Coach/Mentor: 2/5
Why This Matters:
In this stage, you're warming up to the idea that change might be necessary.
Self-awareness might not be on your radar yet. Peeking inside can feel a bit daunting. That’s normal.
Being distracted or feeling disconnected, makes it tough to focus; hard to learn new skills or build new habits.
Sure, some folks are great at pushing aside their emotions to power through. But from what I’ve observed, that kind of emotional shelving has costs down the road.
STAGE 3: Preparation
Preparation: Ready, Set, Change
What It Feels Like:
You've hit a turning point: change isn't just some pie-in-the-sky idea anymore—it's within arm's reach.
The costs of staying the same? They're now too glaring to ignore.
Typical Duration:
From a few days to several months—quick but crucial!
What’s going through your head:
- "I can't do this anymore."
- "Surely, life has more to offer than this."
- "If someone can rake in cash filming their cat on YouTube, surely I can quit or start something new!"
Action Steps to Consider:
Strategize: Whip up a plan.
It could be something you've Googled or gleaned from chats with friends. Be true to yourself—choose tactics that feel right, even if they seem out there to everyone else.
Commit: Decide whether to go public with your change plan or keep it your little secret.
You know yourself best. Some thrive on public support; others prefer going solo.
Start Small:Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Bagging some early wins can boost your morale and set things in motion.
Most Effective Coaching Method:
Teaching/Training: 3/5
Coaching/Mentor: 4/5
Why It's Time to Level Up:
You're at a crossroads, primed to tackle a real change.
The discomfort is now outweighed by the potential perks of a new direction.
This might just be the golden moment to team up with a coach. Find one who clicks with you—whether they're more of a straightforward teacher/trainer or a nurturing coach/mentor.
Take your time picking the right one.
And hey, if a coach ever starts to sound like they’re selling you a used car, it’s probably time to hit that “leave meeting” button.
STAGE 4: Action
Action: Dive In, The Water's Fine
What It Feels Like:
You're on the brink of something huge—thrilling yet daunting.
One minute you're buoyed by the belief that you can change the world, the next, you're doubting if you can change even your socks.
It’s a roller coaster of highs and lows.
Typical Duration:
From a few months up to a year—enough time to really see some transformation.
What’s going through your head:
- "Wow, I had no idea so many others were in the same boat."
- One second it's, "I'm a force of nature!" and the next, "What was I thinking?"
- "Can't wait to see myself on the other side of this."
Action Steps to Consider:
Just Do It: It’s go time.
Grab everything you’ve planned and prepped—the insights, the promises—and launch them into the real world.
Find Your People: The power of community is no joke.
Linking arms with folks who share your dreams (or your struggles) can seriously up your game.
Celebrate Every Win: Keep it light and keep pushing.
Every step forward deserves a high-five, even if it’s just you clapping for yourself. Feeling weird about celebrating? A discreet fist pump works too.
Coaching Method Impact:
Teaching/Training: 2/5
Coach/Mentor: 5/5
Why It matters:
This is the make-or-break stage—the point where you’re putting it all on the line.
Opting for a coach or mentor is key because right now, it’s all about peeling back those stubborn layers of doubt and hesitation.
If you lean too heavily into a teaching/training style, you might miss the boat on some crucial self-reflection.
This stage is about building trust in your instincts, laying a foundation that’ll help you work through not just this change, but any curveball life throws your way.
A coach who inquires more than instructs can help you explore your vast, untidy thoughts. It’s here, in the mess, that real transformation takes shape.
STAGE 5: Maintenance
Maintenance: Building the New You
What It Feels Like:
You're deep in the game now, swapping out bad habits for killer new routines.
Yes, you'll face setbacks—think of them as plot twists. But you've leveled up in self-awareness, making each recovery quicker than the last.
You're not just changing; you're upgrading your whole identity, laying down new tracks for your life train.
How Long It Lasts:
Strap in—it's a 1 to 5-year ride.
What’s going through your head:
- "Life can actually be this amazing?"
- "Will I always be tempted to revert to my old ways?"
- "Even on rough days, it's still way better than before."
Action Steps to Consider:
Stay Connected: In person or on the web.
Whether it's weekly meetups at the local spot or online chats by the glow of your laptop, keep tapping into your support network.
Those fresh, friendly internal dialogues need time to blossom.
Learn to Cope Like a Pro: Draw on everything.
From spiritual wisdom to the simple joys of nature, you can do it. Replace quick fixes with deep, soul-nourishing practices.
Set Exciting Goals: Keep changing it up.
Challenge yourself with goals that add color and purpose to your life. Now, 'challenge' has a new flavor—less shame, more game. Try new things, brush off the stumbles, and enjoy the easier rebounds.
Most Effective Coaching Method:
Teaching/Training: 4/5
Coach/Mentor: 5/5
Why Both Can Rock Your World (now):
At this stage, your emotional toolbox is well-stocked.
You're ready to benefit from any coaching style. While I'm all in for coaching/mentoring because deep emotional work really turbocharges your journey, don’t discount a good old-fashioned teaching/training vibe.
Feeling robust?
Mix it up with both coaching styles. The combo can create a dynamic that catapults your growth, keeping you motivated and on your toes.
When motivation slips through your fingers like a fish, and you’re left staring at your empty hands, remember: having a myriad of strategies is not just a good idea—it’s your lifeline.
STAGE 6: Termination (sounds intense!)
Termination: You've Made It, Now Keep Growing
What It Feels Like:
Congratulations, you've entered the prime of adulthood—let's call it your Mini-Enlightenment.
You're fully aware of how far you've come, embracing your past and eyeing the future with an insatiable curiosity. Whether it’s emotional depth or intellectual pursuits, you're in a fantastic position to keep on improving.
Cheers.
How Long It Lasts:
This is the long haul—think decades of continuous growth.
Thoughts You Might Be Having:
- "I’m so thankful for the people and experiences that fill my life."
- "Should I learn Italian next, or is it finally time to start that herb garden?"
- "Who’s up for a dinner party next weekend?"
Action Steps to Consider:
Reflect: Pause and really appreciate the changes.
Use everything from your therapy insights to peaceful moments in nature to affirm how much you’ve grown.
Give Back: Dive into mentoring or helping others.
Some 12-Step program wisdom: "you only keep what you give away."
Giving not only enriches others' lives; it also keeps ego and self-interest at bay. Something for which, other adults will thank you.
Welcome New Challenges: Yes, more challenges!
Life isn’t about settling into comfort but about continually stretching and growing. If you’re still facing hurdles, take it as a sign that you're exactly where you need to be.
Effective Coaching Methods:
Teaching/Training: 5/5
Coach/Mentor: 5/5
Why Both Rock:
You’re way more self-aware.
As a result, any coaching style you choose is going to be fruitful. Life’s going to keep throwing surprises your way, and a coach/mentor can be your ally during those times.
Meanwhile, if you're itching to deep dive into new skills, a teaching/training coach will help you master whatever you set your mind to.
With all the wisdom and emotional maturity you've managed to scrape together, you're now beautifully equipped to tackle any advice that gets flung your way.
Feel like you might want some support through this? Let’s talk.
Schedule a Discover Call or Insight Session with me, now.
